Victory in the Wilderness....

when i think of the wilderness i think of complaining Israelite's that thought they were worse off in the desert than being slaves in Egypt. I don't think of someone that has life changing experiences with Jesus and then all of a sudden one day there's nothing, darkness, can't see the light. uhhh, i just reread those two sentences and i think they basically are the same thing, because when i think about it, it would almost be better to have not tasted at all then to have a little taste and then it be taken away! well sometimes i feel that way anyways! i think: what did i do wrong? was i bad? am i in sin? was it all in my head in the first place? what is going on!? but as a child slowly picking up on what's up:) it's because He loves me. even as i type that it still isn't in my heart fully.
i have to be in the wilderness! Jesus wants to see how badly i want and need Him. it's not rejection, it's preparation. it's so hard to see God working in my life, but the truth is that it's a place that He works mightily because without Him i wouldn't make it. "And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness..." (Deuteronomy 8.2) those Israelite's didn't feel God's presence or know that He really was there the same way i don't!
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own" (Philippians 3.12) pressing on doesn't mean just going with the flow, it means you're gonna have to make a push... dig a little. which by the way is pretty hard to do if you feel like it's not really doing anything or He's not there. well, i guess i will just believe the best...
i WILL press on to have victory!